Write Your Heart Out

RedPedalCar

My earliest memory is of my second birthday. Mom and Dad gave me a shiny red pedal car. I can’t describe the joy I felt at having my very own car, I must have been glowing. I climbed inside to take it for a spin, only to find my feet didn’t touch the pedals, but I that was okay, I knew I would grow into it.

“I’ll trade it for a tricycle,” Dad said, and Mom agreed.

“No! I don’t want a trike, I want the car, my legs will grow,” I thought, but for some reason, I didn’t tell Dad. I was terribly disappointed when he took the car away.

That positive attitude has stuck with me all my life.

If I want to do it, I find a way to make it work. But even though I have confidence in myself, it hasn’t been easy for me to be confident in how others perceive me. I have always worried that others will think I’m silly for believing myself capable of a thing.

When my first marriage ended in divorce, I felt as if everyone looked down on me.

Even God. I focused on my failures. Though I condemned myself, and thought God could no longer use me, I still prayed and read my Bible daily. Then one day God spoke to my heart, “Martha, I never intended for you or anyone else to divorce, but no one is perfect, including you.

I still love you, and have a plan for you.”

That day, I know for sure I glowed with happiness, as tears of joy ran down my cheeks. The words of Psalm 139 that I was so familiar with, took on new meaning as I read them that day. And today, as I read the psalm again, I am assured that God knows everything there is to know about me. He knows all my thoughts, my  plans, my desires, and my fears.

God knows me better than I know myself, and He accepts me as I am.

Several years ago God gave me a desire to write. I had always used writing as a learning tool, but this was different. Now I was writing with purpose. I asked God to show me what He wanted me to learn as I read my Bible each morning…and I wrote. I found myself writing bits and pieces of my thoughts and my life. I poured my stories out on the page, a little at a time.

This isn’t a Bible study,” I scolded myself, “This is about me.”

But it seemed God was saying to me, “You’re writing what I want you to, just keep writing.” So I did. An amazing thing happened. As I read my writings, I saw the protagonist, the main character of those stories, through different eyes. As she shared her heart, I related to her. I understood her. I accepted her.

As I began to understand myself, I found my writing voice.

I quit shaming myself and instead, asked God to show me how to use my experiences to help others. My mission statement is “helping others find their passion by sharing my own.”  I propose to do this by accepting and encouraging others any way I can. If you haven’t already done it, I want to encourage you to do as I did, and—

Write Your Heart Out!

by Martha Jane Curtis

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Connect with Loved Ones–Pursue Your Passions–Live

My interests are many. Choosing between what I want to do and what I should do isn’t easy. I spend as much time writing as possible, but I take at least a few hours a week to walk in the woods with Joe.

Joe likes to hunt mushrooms and I like to photograph God’s creation. These nature walks allow us both to do something we like, and we are doing it together.
He has taught me much about mushrooms. I have become quite adept at finding them and I enjoy the hunt. Joe has learned to wait patiently (or not) while I photograph them.
We are each doing something we like, and we are doing it together. It is relaxing and the fresh air and exercise are good for us.

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I have to confess to being shutter happy. I usually get home with close to a thousand pictures to download after one of these walks. I keep the best and delete the rest.
I enjoy sewing and crafting. I have shelves and boxes full of future projects. I don’t get as much of this done as I would like, but maybe someday…
Reading is high on my list of  interests, or maybe I should say addictions. Every room of my house displays the evidence.
Writing is my passion and my favorite past time. I am content with it for now, and maybe for always. 
Because… I am a Writer

Absence Excused–Not Guilty!

This past summer has been full with grandchildren. I chose spending time with them over posting. At first I felt guilty for neglecting my blog.

“What kind of reputation are you making for yourself?” I asked.

“That depends,” the answer came, “on what your goals are.”

“My goal is for these children to know that God loves them even more than I do.” I said. “I want them to know the importance of having a relationship with God.”

“Then you better take the time to teach them and show them now. They are getting older. What if they don’t want to spend next summer with grandma? You can write and blog after they go home. Make the most of the time you have with them now. You may not get another chance.”

Guilty or Not?

And so, I made the conscious choice to spend as much time as I could with my grandkids. We went camping, hiking, swimming and played in the park. We ate pizza three times a week and had ice cream nearly every day.

We read books aloud to each other and talked about dragons. We played checkers and chess. We prayed before meals, and at night before bed. We talked about what they wanted to be when they grew up, and about remembering to read the Bible and pray every day.

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Then it was over. I had to take them back home, 600 miles away. The time we had together was so short. I no longer feel guilt over the posts I didn’t write. Instead, I am glad for the talks we had and the connections we made. I cherish the time spent with them and look forward to next summer for more of the same–and I pray they don’t grown up too much between now and then.

 

Originally appeared marthajanecurtis.weebly.com on 7-23-14 titled Guilty or Not?