My earliest memory is of my second birthday. Mom and Dad gave me a shiny red pedal car. I can’t describe the joy I felt at having my very own car, I must have been glowing. I climbed inside to take it for a spin, only to find my feet didn’t touch the pedals, but I that was okay, I knew I would grow into it.
“I’ll trade it for a tricycle,” Dad said, and Mom agreed.
“No! I don’t want a trike, I want the car, my legs will grow,” I thought, but for some reason, I didn’t tell Dad. I was terribly disappointed when he took the car away.
That positive attitude has stuck with me all my life.
If I want to do it, I find a way to make it work. But even though I have confidence in myself, it hasn’t been easy for me to be confident in how others perceive me. I have always worried that others will think I’m silly for believing myself capable of a thing.
When my first marriage ended in divorce, I felt as if everyone looked down on me.
Even God. I focused on my failures. Though I condemned myself, and thought God could no longer use me, I still prayed and read my Bible daily. Then one day God spoke to my heart, “Martha, I never intended for you or anyone else to divorce, but no one is perfect, including you.
I still love you, and have a plan for you.”
That day, I know for sure I glowed with happiness, as tears of joy ran down my cheeks. The words of Psalm 139 that I was so familiar with, took on new meaning as I read them that day. And today, as I read the psalm again, I am assured that God knows everything there is to know about me. He knows all my thoughts, my plans, my desires, and my fears.
God knows me better than I know myself, and He accepts me as I am.
Several years ago God gave me a desire to write. I had always used writing as a learning tool, but this was different. Now I was writing with purpose. I asked God to show me what He wanted me to learn as I read my Bible each morning…and I wrote. I found myself writing bits and pieces of my thoughts and my life. I poured my stories out on the page, a little at a time.
“This isn’t a Bible study,” I scolded myself, “This is about me.”
But it seemed God was saying to me, “You’re writing what I want you to, just keep writing.” So I did. An amazing thing happened. As I read my writings, I saw the protagonist, the main character of those stories, through different eyes. As she shared her heart, I related to her. I understood her. I accepted her.
As I began to understand myself, I found my writing voice.
I quit shaming myself and instead, asked God to show me how to use my experiences to help others. My mission statement is “helping others find their passion by sharing my own.” I propose to do this by accepting and encouraging others any way I can. If you haven’t already done it, I want to encourage you to do as I did, and—
Write Your Heart Out!
by Martha Jane Curtis